At the martial arts/fitness studio where I do kick boxing and yoga, we often meditate at the end of class. It occurred to me today, during one of these sessions, that I suck at meditating. Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy it, but I don’t think I’m very good at it.
The whole idea seems to be to focus on breathing/counting and to keep your mind clear of other things. The clear mind part is where the sucking comes in; I’m fairly competent at the breathing and counting part. I know I have mentioned previously my understanding that my kids got their ADDish tendencies from me, but it is during meditation that this is the most obvious.
The conclusion I have come to is that I cannot quiet my mind, at least not as much as I think other people can. Here is me, trying to focus on my breathing and counting:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5….I wonder if my kids are cleaning up after their breakfast like I asked them to. FOCUS. 1, 2, 3, 4…Remember that cute little girl from work a couple days ago and watching the helicopter land with her. FOCUS. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Shit, I was supposed to stop at 10 and then go back to 1. 1, 2, 3….I wonder if Oliver is done running…4, 5, 6, 7…I need to remember to make jalapeño popper dip to bring to the party tonight…8, 9, 10….Should I go lock up Kerri’s chickens before or after the party tonight…1, 2, 3… FOCUS. Will the Amherst Garden Club take checks or do I need to go get cash before I go to the plant sale? 4, 5, 6…Do Buddhists get ADD/ADHD? Could meditating help my kids (hell, who am I kidding) or me learn to quiet my mind?
From now on, I am going to imagine myself meditating poorly when I think of my kids in school trying to focus on their work.